I was just reading some of the pro-ana blogs and honestly, I'm blown away. You girls are AMAZING beyond belief. Your blogs help me get through my rough times. It makes me so happy to know that someone else was or is where I am. I love all you girls. Thanks for making my life with ana so much better.
Monday, January 31, 2011
I'm tired. From everything. From work. From being Mommy. From being Wife. From the gym. From mentally beating myself. From emotionally beating myself. I'm just tired. Even in my dreams I'm not happy. Yesterday was Sunday. When our family gets together, EVERY week. Food GALORE! I was actually proud. I portioned myself. I had to eat because my grandmother makes sure everyone is eating. Then she pulled out desert. My inner fat girl sat on my inner thin girl. And I hate some. *sigh* No self control, I'm tellin' ya. Then when I came home, My husband made cinni rolls. WTF!? He knows I'm on a diet. Inconsiderate basturd. I know I shouldn't, But I ate one. Why the fuck not? I had already ruined my day. Tomorrow I'm gonna try a juice fast. We'll see how it goes. Think Skinny.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Yup it's true. I work at the Mac Shack. But suprisingly, I hate the food. Maybe it's becuase I have eaten so much of it before. Or just because I see it get made. But it's gross. Remember in waiting when they say, "Don't fuck with the people who cook your food" Yeah, don't. And somehow I manage not to eat it. Even when the hunger pangs kick in. I could grab a fry, But I don't. Anyways, Today at work a lady brought her kids in. And the one kid threw a tantrum, Because he wanted ice cream. At 8am. And she gave in. No wonder they're 120lbs at 6 years old. Not just ice cream mind you. And oreo McFlurry. Extra oreo. *sigh* I don't want to ever do that to my son. Feed him this shit, Clogging his arteries. So he can look like me? Fat as fuck? HELL NO! I want him to be healthy. I wish this was an actual weekend. Instead I work. Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I never get one off. But it's sort of motivation. I see the people who drive through. Or come in. They're huge. And I just think to myself, I can't look like that. So it motivates me to lose the weight. To keep my trap shut. But I'm off to bed. I work at 6am everyday. Bleh. Night Girls, Think Skinny, k?
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I ate so much in the past two days. I relapsed...I failed. Yesterday I ate half a banana. I was so proud, theeeen My mother took us to Olive Garden. Was I supposed to tell her no? She knows it's my favorite. That would be like a crack addict Passing up free crack. *sigh* I wish, wish, wish I could just keep my mouth shut. The little girl downstairs doesn't stop screaming. I swear they do something to her. We're moving outa her soon. THANK GOD. I can't handle the hillbillies I live by anymore. I ate alot today too. Seemed to slip my mind to write that. I had soup, a little pizza, and some stawberries. Bahaha. Like 24,000 calories. But I'm going to the gym tonight. I'll do another 2 hours. I have to. Well, hope all is well with you girls. Think Skinny.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
So, I was reading some thinspo quotes last night. I was trying to pass time,Without wobbling over to the kitchen. I read one that I LOVE. "Hunger pangs is a sign of fat leaving your body". So all day when I got a hunger pang, I remembered that quote. And it really made it so much easier. :) I'm going to the gym in a bit. Moms coming over to watch the baby. I do a two hour work out. 45 min. tredmill, 15 min. tack 30 min. machines, and 30 min. sauna. It feels so good when I'm done. I feel lighter! I might post again tonight. Depending on how I feel. There is something I need to get off my chest. But I'm not sure if I'm ready yet. Think Skinny!! :)
Monday, January 24, 2011
I just want to be beautiful. I just want to look perfect. I have been sick all weekend. Which has helped with my eating. Because I really haven't ate. I'm glad for that but I couldn't get to the gym saturday. So when I weighed myself today, I gained a pound, WTF? I'm not going to lie. I'm doing this for me mostly, but I'm also doing this so I can look good for my husband. I'm scared he'll find someone better. And it hurts me to think about it. I just want to be thin.Fat isn't pretty. Who looks at fat and likes it? There is no such thing as a BBW. I hate that term. And I wish people wouldn't call me that anymore. I want to be sexy. And thin is sexy. But hey, it will take some time. I know it wont happen overnight.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
In 4 days I have lost 5.4lbs!! I'm still huge, but I'm at least losing. I sat in the sanna for 20 minutes. I was roasting lol. But it helps get out that water weight. I have to try to figure out how to eat less. I'm def. not eating as much as before. But I want to eat even less. Any tips? I need help with how to lose faster And how to curve cravings. The pills I'm taking work. But I still get hungry (like starving) From time to time. Well I'm off to the shower. Think skinny girls!!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
These pills are amazing. I have energy and I crave NOTHING. I love these :D I'm so energetic... Like Woo!! Let's clean something! At the gym, I'm all, "Lets Pump Iron MAN!". Haha. My husband is still a dick. I'm still extremely hurt by him. But fuck it. I'll look better than her one day. One day, she'll be the fat one. Muahaha. Nasty porn skanks. I wonder how they feel every night. When they go to bed and lay there. Alone. And women think they're trash. And men only want them for one thing. Haha, losers. :D SO MUCH ENERGY. I'm going to clean. Think skinny girls!! :D
Monday, January 17, 2011
My husband has a serious porn addiction. It kills me inside. Litterally kills me. I'm depressed because of it. So fucking depressed. He's such a pig. And this bitch is trash. Fuck this bitch.
i took the picture of the girl
my husband watches off here.
I couldn't stand looking at her everyday.
Seriously she is trash though.
Old people are mean. They just are. They don't get it. Or care. My grandma's friend looked at me yesterday. She was like, "Oh WOW! Look a those thighs". Pretty sure you could hear my heart, Plummet into my stomach. I just stood there and smiled. I didn't know what to say. Must be nice to be 97yrs. old and 45lbs.On a good note... I bought some pills to try. Let's cross our fingers and hope they work.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Yesterday, I didn't eat much. I was actually kind of proud. I was all "Like, Omigod, I ate well today." Then my fucking mom came over. And brought me food, because I was sick. What did I do? Binged. Why not? You can always start tomorrow, right?BUT I WANT TO START TODAY!I want to be thin now. Where the fuck did my self control go? In my stomach and thighs. With the food I shove down my throat. I wont even talk about what I ate today. I'm a fat pig. Fucking slop. I disgust myself.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want to see my ribs through my shirt. I want to have a tiny waist. I want to be picked up like a rag doll. And put down like a feather. I want it all. To Be Slim. Thin. Paper Thin. Perfect.